I just did my first big conference this March – as the
General Speaker. I was asked to present
my Structure and Function program (assessing infant structure in relation to
breastfeeding challenges) and to present on Counseling Same Sex Couples and LGBTQ
Culture. Speaking about Structure and
Function is easy for me. LGBTQ? That’s a little different.
I am a Lesbian. I
have 3 kids, a Wife and I own my own business as a private practice Lactation
Consultant. I am also Out. Not in your face Out, but I have no problem
(most of the time) talking about my wife and kids and letting people know if
they have questions about working with LGBTQ parents and families to ask
me. LGBTQ Issues are coming out into the
forefront in a big way right now – we are making strides with equality in some
areas while atrocities committed against us in other areas are making headlines
and countries are being taken to task for it.
So, when I was asked to speak about my community – I was honored.
Let me set the scene for you: Out Lesbian living in California (relatively
safe), out on Facebook and professional groups online (relatively safe), being
asked to speak in the Deep South…what is known as The Bible Belt…in Louisiana…safe??
To say my wife was concerned about my
flying into and speaking in that environment is an understatement. To say I was mostly unprepared (read naïve)
for what would come is also an understatement.
You see – I live my life as if being gay is no big deal –
because to me it isn’t. Am I very much
aware of the issues my LGBTQ family around the world deals with day to
day? Absolutely. Have I dealt with such issues myself? Yes.
But, frankly, I have it really good where I live and I feel ‘relatively’
safe. And people I come into contact
with daily in my professional world don’t give a care that I am gay, in fact
they generally appreciate that I am as Out as I am and come to me fairly often
with questions and ask for input – which I am more than honored to give. But I was asked to speak in an area that is
not known to be LGBTQ friendly. We, as a
community, are lacking in equal rights, civil rights and face discrimination on
a regular basis in the Deep South. Now,
don’t get me wrong, there are MANY people there who are progressive and
accepting and absolutely LGBTQ Allies fighting beside Us for equal rights for
all. But – there are, without question,
those who are not.
My trip out I had a seatmate (a 21 yr old young man) who
made it clear he hated ‘faggots’.
I needed to work on my LGBTQ presentations on the trip out but did not because, frankly, it just wasn't safe for me to do so sitting next to a young man who talked about putting the guy who called him a ‘faggot’ into the hospital. This to me was, scary. Who I am was clearly a threat to this person who, since he did not know I was lesbian, had no problem talking to me assuming that I had a husband back at home. No I did not correct him on that. Why not? Think about it.
On my way home, I sat with a preacher man whose
church is welcoming, affirming and now is honored to have LGBTQ preachers. Talk about opposites...and it occurred to me that this is the world we live in - and it is frustrating and contradictory - and something no one should have to live with...the fear of just being yourself, never sure if you will be safe or not.
At the conference I came out to 150 people I did not know –
and who did not know me. And while it may have looked easy to those watching me speak,
coming out the way I did was NOT easy. But I needed to put a face to the topic
– and that face was ME, my family and my LGBTQ community. During my last session it was made very clear
to me and the group by one individual that she was highly offended at my
presentations and made no bones about saying so – repeatedly – to many others –
including the conference programmer who was accused of having an ‘agenda’ – to
which she replied yes she did have an agenda:
To Educate.
Now, while I have no problem being who
I am, knowing that there are others who will take great personal offense at my
being open about my life and world makes it an emotional challenge to 'put it
all out there for strangers' to see. Being out on FB with people I like and
know is one thing...going in to a room full of strangers is something
completely different. And
something I wasn’t fully prepared for.
The
backlash was intense. Apparently 2
sessions on LGBTQ Issues is just Too Much Gay for Some People’s Day. The point was missed, by some, that we all
need to learn about LGBTQ Culture and Counseling just as we need to learn about
other Cultures, how to counsel appropriately and how to work with that culture
without inadvertently offending. Rather
the point on how the LGBTQ community is regularly treated (blown off,
discriminated against, marginalized, oppressed…) was made loud and clear. The backlash was present during the
presentation, after the presentation (that day) and even several days after the
conference was over. Apparently the
organizers received some ‘unpleasant evaluations’ and were told I was an
incredibly unprofessional speaker…because I talked about LGBTQ Issues – because
I put it ‘in their faces’ – because I was open about my being a ‘lesbian’. I was told they didn’t ‘need’ the information
I was providing…I’d have to disagree with that.
And perhaps my laid back style of teaching/speaking isn’t what they are
used to…I use slang terms, humor and talk to people as if I am talking to my
friends.
Frankly,
the fact that this conference had the vagina to actually ask me to speak on
LGBTQ topics in the Deep South speaks volumes to me. The fact that some were quite rude and
disrespectful to me and to them was surprising to me and hurt. The fact that many others, however, were angry at
how I was treated was amazing! So many
people came to me later, in person, via email, via Facebook messages saying Thank
You for what I presented – how they were so angry with the person who was rude to me, how the information I shared was helping them already to understand how better to work with and communicate with LGBTQ families. To me this is amazing – and I am humbled and honored. I have been told that I
made an impact that I may not even be aware of…that I have educated on topics
that are desperately needed and the resources I provided will help them help
the LGBTQ community far better than they have been. I have been told by many now, that I made
people think about stuff they don’t want to think about. That I challenged them in a manner they are
most uncomfortable with. That whether or
not they wanted to be educated on this topic – They WERE.
THIS
is overwhelming to me!
I simply went to speak on a topic near and dear to me. Though I know there are those who don’t like the LGBTQ community, and I have been treated rudely by others because I am Lesbian I did NOT for one second expect to be treated like that by other lactation professionals – my colleagues. That shocked me. It just didn't occur to me that I would be treated like that. I know – I am naïve. I know this about
myself. I expect others to be polite,
respectful – as I would be to them. I am
just me, trying to educate people in
the best way I know how on a topic that is very much needed.
Will
I speak on these topics again live?
Sure.
Will I change the way I
present my topics? Nope.
Will I change my speaking style? Nope.
Will I change me to make others more comfortable? HELL NO.
Will I continue to do my best to educate others who want that
education? Absolutely.
Will it challenge some to think a little and
others to think a lot? I sure hope
so.
