First: There is no judgment here – none at all. As a mom with a baby who was tongue-tied and struggled for months to get breastfeeding right, I understand the desperation to have it just WORK once and for all. Some moms struggle for so long, weeks and even months in pain, pumping and trying to breastfeed. They are so desperate, and understandably so, to fix their breastfeeding problems and get that baby breastfeeding once and for all. Sometimes they inadvertently create this problem of oral aversion with aggressive stretching. This absolutely does not happen on purpose of course, though sadly it is happening and the truth is it does not need to.
I have heard some moms state that the baby cries when the diaper is changed and it’s no big deal, and this crying during aggressive stretching is just like that. Well, no it isn’t. A diaper change doesn’t cause the baby pain. And I have heard others say that it HAS to be done this way in order to make sure that frenulum doesn’t reattach. Well, no, it doesn’t – it can be done gently and still be effective.
I have spoken with moms who had significant mom guilt when they realized that their actions (aggressive stretching) had caused their baby’s emotional trauma and oral aversion. These moms were devastated that, in their attempt to help their child – they hurt their child. The fact is, as I see it, and those moms too, this is avoidable.
Stretching
consists of lifting/stretching or massaging the underside of baby’s tongue in
order to keep the tissues mobile and from healing closed and causing lack of
tongue mobility (which is why we did the frenotomy in the first place, right?). However, there are various thoughts on this
process, how it should be done, how often and to what extent. Some recommend using a tongue blade (wooden
tongue depressor), or just your fingers.
Some recommend massaging the tongue, some recommend stretching. Some recommend breaking the wound open at
least a few times per day to prevent scarring down or reattachment. Some recommend these procedures not be done at
all while others recommend 5-8 times or more per 24 hours or prior to every feeding.
As a
Lactation Consultant who specializes in tongue-tie I would not recommend
anything other than using your finger to do the stretches, unless you have been
specifically taught by the Dr. who did the procedure how to properly use the
tongue blade. Stretching the wound is uncomfortable for the
baby at best, and can be painful at worst.
It is the rare baby who can handle the stretching/massage with a smile –
at least initially.
So let’s
talk about how to do this in the most baby friendly
manner. These are my own recommendations to my clients.
Tongue massage/stretching should be an in and out fast procedure. Gently slide your finger under the tongue and massage the incision site as such: from bottom: massage up the tongue, then back down 2 - 3 times using gentle but firm pressure - then get out of the mouth. This is 3-4 second procedure at most. If you are doing the stretch, you can use the Kotlow method of coming under the baby's tongue from behind: Baby is laying on his back with his head close to you, you gently slide two fingers under the tongue and lift the tongue up with a gentle push back - hold for count of 3 and then get out of the baby's mouth. I recommend 2-5 times per day for at least 2 weeks, and strongly encourage some sort of complimentary body work. And check in with your LC or Dr. to evaluate how the healing process is going.
Tongue massage/stretching should be an in and out fast procedure. Gently slide your finger under the tongue and massage the incision site as such: from bottom: massage up the tongue, then back down 2 - 3 times using gentle but firm pressure - then get out of the mouth. This is 3-4 second procedure at most. If you are doing the stretch, you can use the Kotlow method of coming under the baby's tongue from behind: Baby is laying on his back with his head close to you, you gently slide two fingers under the tongue and lift the tongue up with a gentle push back - hold for count of 3 and then get out of the baby's mouth. I recommend 2-5 times per day for at least 2 weeks, and strongly encourage some sort of complimentary body work. And check in with your LC or Dr. to evaluate how the healing process is going.
These stretches/massages
should be kept as enjoyable as possible for baby. The last thing we want is for
baby to fight, scream and cry inconsolably when we are trying to help them. It is one thing for them to fuss and complain - it is quite another if they are screaming. Also, I do not recommend purposefully breaking open the wound several times per day because 1) it is painful for the baby and 2) it is painful for the baby. Breaking open a wound repeatedly slows down healing, causes emotional and physical trauma and should not be needed in order for the wound to heal properly. If the wound breaks open on its own without extreme pressure that is different - doing it in purpose should not be needed.
If there is fighting and screaming happening
with stretches and massage - then we should take a look at WHY. If stretches are being done to the point of doing them for minutes rather than
seconds – Stop. It should be seconds. Doing the stretches for minutes will cause
baby much pain and discomfort. If baby
is screaming and crying for an extended period afterwards – as in more than a
minute or two – too much is being done. This type of overdoing can actually
cause oral/feeding aversion, whether it is breast or bottle.
Anything we do in the mouth MUST be done with
respect and as much gentleness as possible. And while these stretches are
important, we can do them in a manner that does NOT potentially cause other
issues.
You can do
these gentle stretches when baby is asleep, awake and relaxed, just before
feeding, or after feeding. If you do 2 reps of the stretch and baby is getting
mad - STOP. Don't push the issue at that time. There will be a later time (half
hour?) where you can finish. Keep this time and activity as
happy and as relaxed as you can. Make funny faces, sing, or make funny
noises! Talk to your baby in an
encouraging and supportive tone. Whether
you do these exercises twice a day or 8 times a day they can be done in a
gentle and respectful manner and still be effective. Using pain relief is a good idea as
well. Talk to your Dr. or IBCLC about
pain relief measures (acetaminophen, ibuprofen, homeopathics…). Get that bodywork to help baby’s body move
and groove the way it needs to help that tongue move the way it should.
Finally, many moms
have told me that they would rather deal with some breastfeeding discomfort,
pump and bottle feed, or just bottle feed formula than to cause their babies
the kind of pain they see happening with others or that they themselves have
inadvertently caused. And you know
what? I agree with them – 100%. And frankly, it is my professional opinion that,
if it requires hurting the baby repeatedly, to the point of causing oral
aversion, in order to make breastfeeding work, then perhaps we should
reconsider that.
Is the
causing of injury, emotional and physical trauma worth breastfeeding? I don’t happen to think so.
And I implore you to put yourself in the
baby's shoes...how would you feel and what would you ask for in this situation?
Gentleness and compassion for the baby
while working with tongue-tie…it can be done.
