I live in 2 primary communities in my life: the Lactation Community and the LGBTQ
Community. For me these two communities
overlap quite a bit as I am a VERY OUT Lesbian IBCLC. Anyone who knows me knows I have a wife who I
love and adore with all my heart and soul.
I see no reason to hide it and I hope that it gives others in the LGBTQ
community who happen to also be in the Lactation Community the ability to be
out as well – but not all are for their own personal and valid reasons.
But what happens when these two communities collide? Well, it HAS happened to me a few times as I
have written about in this blog before.
Frankly, I can handle it. Don’t
like that I am Lesbian? Move along and
take your prejudice with you thank you very much. But what about others? Others in the lactation community who are NOT
out and collide with another in the lactation community who is
LGBTQ-Phobic? What do they do?
I was at a well-known conference this past week for lactation
consultants. Honestly it was great! Lots of wonderful people, lots of hugs and
kisses (good thing my wife is NOT the jealous type!) and lots of
community. I personally had no issues
with anyone who had their own personal issues with my LGBTQ community…but another
wonderful woman did…
Without going into all the details because they are not mine
to share I will say this: Someone in the
Lactation Community made an assumption about another person (I will call her
Mary). This person assumed that ‘Mary’
had the same (negative) opinion of the LGBTQ community and made a very transphobic
comment to her. ‘Mary’ is not OUT to the
lactation community (yet?). This
hateful, deeply offensive and hurtful comment shocked ‘Mary’ – she was deeply
upset and frankly the rest of the conference was marred for her. And when the other 4 of us in the LGBTQ
community (who are also in the Lactation Community) discovered what happened –
it marred the conference for us in many ways as well. This is unacceptable.
Out of nearly 200 attendees only 5 of us were also
members of the LGBTQ community. 5. Let that sink in. Talk about being a minority. And while it is a strong possibility that the
majority of the other 195 attendees are LGBTQ supporters, it is clear that at
least one was not. And that one deeply
offended US. And she had NO CLUE that
she had done so by making a (very wrong) assumption.
So – what do we do as a community? As a member of the LGBTQ community I am
speaking up here on my blog and to anyone who is willing to listen and
learn: Check your assumptions AT THE
DOOR. Check your privilege AT THE DOOR. Do NOT assume that another person you talk to
feels the same way you do – about ANYTHING.
And most importantly do not assume they are NOT members of the LGBTQ
community. You just never know where we
might show up. And there is no way to know 100% if the person you are speaking
to is a member of the LGBTQ community…or not.
As a member of the Lactation Community – I say the same damn
thing. Check yourself and your
assumptions and your privilege. As
professionals we are supposed to present ourselves as such – and when one of us
makes an LGBTQ-phobic comment it makes the rest of us look bad. While I am hopeful that the person who deeply
offended ‘Mary’ and our LGBTQ community did not intend to do so on purpose, I
can't help but be angry that neither did she ‘check herself’ before she made an
inappropriate comment.
Let me make this clear:
We are Here. We are Queer. We are Lesbian. We are Transgender. We are Gay.
We are Bisexual. We are IN the Lactation Community and WE are Here
to STAY. So – if you cannot find it in
your heart to accept others and not judge them for being different than you, at
least have the common courtesy to keep your discriminatory and assumptive opinions
to yourself. And if you are an Ally – and you support the
LGBTQ community please – make it known somehow…stand up for us when you
can. WE in the LGBTQ community
appreciate it.
Thank you.
